In our experience, many people mistakenly believe that when we talk about ethical nonmonogamy, we’re advocating for promiscuous, lecherous, and lascivious behavior. However, this is a complete misunderstanding. Consider the analogy of wine: while some may see it merely as a means to get drunk and forget their problems, others approach it with connoisseurship. Similarly, we are advocating for a philosophy, a new paradigm in relationships that focuses on loving each other—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually—without unnecessary constraints. We promote setting our own boundaries, rather than adhering strictly to those imposed by Western societal norms.

We’re talking about fine dining, not binge eating or gluttony. We’re discussing the liberation of love, not licentiousness. Our conversation is about restoring morality by doing away with unnatural, unrealistic, and unnecessary expectations, rather than promoting decadence or moral decline.

Looking at the statistics, it seems inevitable and self-evident that we need to change. We must redefine our emotional and sexual boundaries in societies that are slowly suffocating in a swamp of divorces, infidelity, and self-limiting beliefs. In a society where people call themselves monogamous even in their fourth consecutive marriage, where many use sex (and their partners) as a tool for escapism, and where there is far less respect in our romantic relationships than would be desirable, it’s clear a new approach is needed.

We have to face the sobering fact that our current practices regarding love lives, relationships, and marriages do not bring happiness to many, if not most of us. Moreover, our principles in this field are mostly built on centuries-old traditions and superstitions.

Western societies have undergone significant changes: it’s now natural for women to vote, there are multiple safe methods of contraception, most STIs can be cured within a week, and we live decades longer than we did even a hundred years ago. We live in abundance, allowing us to encourage our youth to seek personal fulfillment rather than start working at the age of 12. More women are in universities than men, and their “acceptable social roles” have expanded from just giving birth to becoming Nobel laureate scientists, prime ministers, or astronauts. We have made racial injustice unacceptable and have recognized the many colors of human genders and sexual identities. Yet, when it comes to our relationships, we still live by rules that originate from the Middle Ages, if not antiquity.

Isn’t it posible that the tension created by outdated societal norms also contributes to the sudden spread of BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism)? People, feeling doomed to constantly fail at satisfying ancient rules, channel their frustration into “playfully” punishing themselves and others. By adopting labels like “slut,” “bitch,” or “whore” during these scenarios, they preemptively address these terms before others might use them, turning the critique of breaking social expectations into a form of empowerment within the controlled context of BDSM.

Does incorporating humiliation into one’s sexual life truly liberate people, or does it merely provide a temporary sense of freedom by allowing them to channel the shame and frustration caused by rigid and often hypocritical societal norms? In my view, many of these practices bear resemblance to the medieval self-punishment of monks and nuns, who used similar methods to cleanse themselves of sin and devote themselves to God. This raises questions about whether these actions are a form of escape or genuine liberation.

Please note that we use terms like “also part” and “many times” because we never intend to generalize any sexual practice that involves the consent of two adults. We’re not here to pass judgment but to raise questions. We fully acknowledge the vast diversity of the human mind, soul, and desires, and we deeply respect it.

But we also recognize the importance of emotional balance and satisfaction, which are just as essential as physical gratification. Humans are capable of experiencing love and deriving pleasure from sexuality, not solely to multiply like microbes, but because love and sex can hold profound, even spiritual significance in our lives.

This is why we’re always saddened by the multitude of profile pictures on “adult” dating sites that only display genitalia. We question whether it’s genuine sexual liberation when people choose to identify solely by the size of their erect penises or showcase a ready-to-be-penetrated anus as their profile image, rather than showing their faces or images from happier moments and places.

Do we label these sites as “adult” dating platforms because they represent a mature approach to seeking sexual connections, or is the term derived from the concept of adultery?

We believe that all the phenomena mentioned are symptoms of a much larger issue: while we’ve made efforts to free our societies from obsolete and harmful ideas—ranging from racism to the oppression of women—we’ve been hesitant to liberate love. We’ve yet to take decisive steps to dismantle the dark, medieval system built on fears and taboos, and to bring both emotional and sexual desires into the light of reason and understanding.

Thus, we’re not going to focus on how to get drunk from drinking as much wine as your body can tolerate. Instead, we’re going to discuss how to consume the wine of love considerately and responsibly, aiming not only to avoid harming others but also yourself. We believe that love and making love should always carry a “spiritual” meaning, even in a one-night stand. Every connection should be constructive and bring bliss to the lives of all involved.

We’ve constrained and confined, tied and incarcerated love out of fear, as humans have always known, or at least had a hunch, that love is the most powerful and potent force. Throughout history, we’ve often silenced or killed those who dared to center it in their doctrines, from Jesus Christ to Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King.

Now is the time when our societies have reached the necessary level of development. Now is the time when, as a society, we have the financial stability and scientific power, and in the Western world, none of us have had to experience war in our lifetimes, providing relative social peace. It’s time to free the glorious bound lion of love and build a more genuine, sincere, and honest life for ourselves and our children.

Now is the time to open our minds and discuss it freely, embracing both its spiritual and carnal aspects, to explore it, to ethically experiment with it, and to revise existing laws and social norms based on our discoveries. Now is the time to liberate love.

This is the new world we are building. This is the work you can join. This is goal of Nonmono.